Thwack Archives • Cleaver Magazine

STATEMENT OF ACCOUNT by Carroll Sandel

Posted on March 27, 2019 by thwackApril 23, 2019

STATEMENT OF ACCOUNT by Carroll Sandel STATEMENT OF ACCOUNT Hospital Service Association of Pittsburgh April 22, 1943 Patient Mrs. Margaret Smith Hospital Sew. Valley City Sewickley Subscriber David Smith Group 1143 Contract 55788 Statement of Account This statement from Blue Cross details the charges for the subscriber’s wife and their baby’s thirteen-day stay in the hospital following the birth on April 8, 1943. The subscriber fulfills his financial obligation for this bill as he will all others during the ninety-four years that will span his life. Throughout his adulthood, he will disparage those who abdicate these responsibilities as “free-loaders,” as “deadbeats,” will flare his nostrils when talking about his brother who was forever calling him for a bail-out. In a thank-you letter to this baby when she was in her late forties, he will tape a three-quarter inch clipping from a magazine: “Depression dad, he was like so many other … chop! chop! read more!

WHAT WILL GROW YOU UP REAL FAST, HE SAID by Will Schick

Posted on March 27, 2019 by thwackMarch 23, 2019

A man dressed as a rooster, mask and all, was in the parking lot doing the worm, the moonwalk, the Bernie, twirling a poster board shaped like an arrow with the words “Super Pollo Rico” printed on it. I thought, What’s this Rooster Man doing out there? He should be on a professional dance team or something.

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CHILDREN DANCE ON GRAVES by Anon. collected by Sir Peter Cotton as told to Sophia Lee

Posted on March 31, 2015 by thwackMay 8, 2015

CHILDREN DANCE ON GRAVES[1] by Anon. collected by Sir Peter Cotton edited by Sophia Lee In time, he would come to bear great hatred toward the juniper[2] tree. He would hate the soft sheen of its[3] needles and its slender twisting limbs. He would hate the roundness of its berries, so plump and tender. But most of all, he would hate its scent. The young hunter spent his boyhood years swinging from the boughs of a myrrh tree, in whose oil his nursemaids cleaned his hair[4]. He was an active child, perpetually turning cartwheels around his caregivers and chasing small game in the park[5] around his manor. He would catch rabbits with fur so sleek and fowl with feathers so fine that he didn’t mind at all the quiver of their throats beneath his hands—how fearfully they gazed at him with wide, innocent, and watering eyes; how their hair-lined lips or … chop! chop! read more!

PRINTING OUT THE INTERNET by Kenny Goldfish

Posted on March 31, 2015 by thwackJanuary 6, 2019

UN PETIT D’UN PETIT by Unknown discovered by Luis d’Antin Van Rooten

Posted on March 31, 2015 by thwackMarch 31, 2015

UN PETIT D’UN PETIT from Mots D’Heures: Gousses, Rames by Unknown discovered by Luis d’Antin Van Rooten Un petit d’un petit S’étonne aux Halles Un petit d’un petit Ah! degrés te fallent Indolent qui ne sort cesse Indolent qui ne se mène Qu’importe un petit d’un petit Tout Gai de Reguennes. Luis d’Antin van Rooten, was born in Mexico City, coming to the U.S. as a child. He graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with a BA degree in architecture, and worked in that field until the second World War. He developed an interest in the stage, and acted at the Cleveland Playhouse. His vocal qualities got him into radio, and in addition to radio serial work (“Nero Wolfe” was a prominent starring role), he got recruited by the Army as a radio announcer. His excellent language skills made him especially valuable, as he could broadcast in Spanish, French, and … chop! chop! read more!