Autumn Konopka
A PROMPT FOR THE REST OF US

A few years ago, Cleaver’s Newsletter Editor Layla Murphy offered a prompt for those among us who aren’t necessarily inspired by the holiday season. This year, I’ve decided to steal inspiration from Layla’s 2023 tip. But rather than channeling your inner Scrooge, I’d like to suggest you connect with your latent Costanza. 

That’s right: It’s Festivus for the rest of us. 

If you’re not familiar with Festivus, I urge you to take twenty-two minutes and watch season 9, episode 10, of Seinfeld, “The Strike.” Of course, you don’t need to watch it to use the prompt. (But, seriously, you should. It’s a holiday classic on par with Elf, Love Actually, Die Hard, and Emmet Otter’s Jug-band Christmas.) All you need to know is that Festivus is a fictional holiday invented by George Costanza’s dad as an alternative to Christmas. The why and how of its invention aren’t important; instead, this prompt takes inspiration from the “holiday” customs: the Airing of Grievances, Feats of Strength, Festivus Miracles, and the Festivus Pole. 

These customs reveal the simple, unstated foundation of Festivus: as much as we like to think the holidays are about bringing “Joy to the World,” oftentimes they wreak havoc on personal relationships. This irony—plus the fact that it’s a totally fake holiday which originated on a sit-com—frees Festivus from the preciousness that can encumber writing prompted by “real” holidays. In this way, using Festivus for inspiration allows us to examine ourselves and our experiences with candor and levity, playfulness and sincerity, without traditional rules or expectations. Personally, I’ve found it to be a terrific funnel for all sorts of personal reflection and critical commentary.

Here’s what you do: One by one, use each of the Festivus rituals as a lens through which you examine the past year, and freewrite for five minutes about whatever comes to mind. 

Begin with the Airing of Grievances. Allow yourself to think expansively and without judgment about the things that disappoint, annoy, upset, or enrage you. Be as serious or as petty as you like. Imagine no one will see the list, and write down all of the pet peeves and minor irritations you endure quietly. Let yourself seethe and boil. Your spouse’s snoring. Student papers that were clearly written by AI. People who don’t use their turn signals. The current political situation. Nothing is too big or too small for the airing. Write it all down.

Next, you’ll take on the Feats of Strength. For this prompt, ask yourself what challenges you’ve encountered or overcome throughout the past year. You could also consider anything especially impressive you may have witnessed. Again, I urge you to think broadly, beyond physical prowess. Running a marathon is certainly a feat of strength, but maybe you had to skip that race to take care of a sick family member—that takes a whole other kind of power. Feats of Strength can also be smaller, quieter. Maybe you sat through a terrible movie because that’s what your partner really wanted to see, or maybe your middle schooler made it through a meal without a “six-seven” reference—though, I might consider that a Festivus Miracle. 

Speaking of which… Festivus Miracles, at least in my estimation, are those relatively ordinary, unimpressive, or easily overlooked occurrences that seem rather spectacular in a certain light. You’re stuck in traffic and someone finally lets you merge. You resolve an insurance issue on the first phone call. Your middle schooler makes it through a meal without even once saying “six seven.” Festivus Miracle! On the other hand, if you had an undeniably incredible experience this year and that feels like your miracle, go with it. Allow yourself to follow wherever the prompt leads.

Finally, we arrive at the Pole. This one’s a little more interpretive—at least as far as prompts go. On Seinfeld, the Festivus Pole—a tall, bare aluminum rod—is a seemingly ridiculous, perhaps oversimplified response to the commercial symbols and elaborate decorations associated with Christmas. Here, as with the Festivus Miracles, I urge you to think about ordinary, unremarkable objects that feel important or emblematic. These could be things you like or dislike. Better still, they could be items that elicit strong, divisive sentiments for reasons that have little to do with the things themselves. Ultimately, that’s the essence of Festivus: a celebration of strong feelings, no matter how irrational or absurd.

I encourage you to try these prompts in a freewriting loop. Do five minutes of listing or brainstorming with each custom/prompt, then go back through to find where your writing has the most energy. Pull something from there, and freewrite on that for five more minutes. Then do it again. After a few rounds, you may find yourself agreeing with Frank Costanza: “Festivus is your heritage. It’s part of who you are.” At the very least, you could tap into new material or find a fresh approach to an old idea. 

Read more from Cleaver’s Writing Tips.